Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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