watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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