Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
