Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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