I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
