didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
