Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
