he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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