If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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