Got a toothbrush?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
