He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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