Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
