It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
