White coat. Heels.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
