Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
