From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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