Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
