I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
