I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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