from now on my penis is your penis
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
