i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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