Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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