She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
