home. puking in laundry basket.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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