Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
