You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
