I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
