I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
