laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
