i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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