Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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