Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
