were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
