I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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