he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
