Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
