Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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