Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
