how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
