What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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