This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
