Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
