I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
