woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
