I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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