He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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