Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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