Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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