if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
