Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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